1. I went to my mate’s house to watch the England game the other day. I walked in and said “Alright?” he gave me a jar and I said “Ta.” England lost 4-1 to Germany. My mate and I were gutted. We decided to go for some nosh. The closest pub was selling burgers for a fiver. When we got to the pub there were some other pals there “Alright?” I asked and they said “Good ta.”
2. The pub was in a dodgy part of the city but the burgers were the bee’s knees. My bruv John is jammy, he always wins money on the gambling machine but tonight he put a tenner in the machine and didn’t win. I put £1 in and won a tenner, “you jammy bastard” said John.
3. Then a fit woman walked in, I decided to buy her a drink.
She was really fit but two sandwiches short of a picnic. I spent tenner on drinks for her but then she got knackered and decided to go home, I didn’t get her phone number and I was gutted. Then my mate Pete arrived, he is two sandwiches short of a picnic and he was very drunk. We all said “hello Pete, alright?”
John and my other mates took the piss out of Pete.
4. Pete didn’t understand because he’s two sandwiches short of a picnic so he said ta! I didn’t have any more money so I asked Pete if I could borrow a tenner, but he only had a fiver. I had one more drink and started to feel knackered. We went to the kebab shop next door, there were some dodgy men in there, they started taking the piss out of us and we almost had a fight. We paid for the kebabs and ate them on the way home, they were the dog’s bollocks.
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