Here is my attempt to turning the text into a more colloquial read. I tried to use my slangy words as much as I could!
I went to my mate’s house to watch the England game the other day. I walked in and said “What’s the story?” he gave me a beer and I said “Cheers”. England was mulled 4-1 to Germany. My mate and I were very disappointed. We decided to go get some grub. The nearest pub was selling burgers for a fiver. When we got to the pub there were some other friends there “What’s the craic lads, how ya doing?” I asked and they said “Grand, cheers!”
The pub was in a kind of dodgy part of the city but the burgers were savage. My mate John is a jammy, he always wins money on the gambling machine but tonight he put a tenner in the machine and didn’t win. I put 1 and won a tenner, “You jammy bastard” said John.
Then a massive ride walked in, I decided to buy her a gargle. She was a fine thing but an absolute thick. I spent a tenner on drinks for her but then she was nackered and decided to go home, I didn’t get yer one’s number and I was gutted. Then my mate Pete arrived, he is a thick and was hammered. We all said “How’s the form”.
John and my other mates started taking the piss on Pete.
Pete didn’t understand because he is an eejit so he said ·”cheers lads”. I was broke so I asked Pete if I could borrow a tenner, but he only had a fiver. I had one last drink and felt knackered. We went to the kebab shop next door, there were some dodgy men in there, they started taking the piss and we almost lose the rag and gad a fight. We paid for the kebabs and ate them on the way home, they were deadly!”
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